Lyrics by; Warren Zavon, adapted to the Q, by the Q.
"Stuff" because I'm nice, used it instead of the stuff mentioned.
Now that I explained it, you won't be able not to hear it.

1, 2, 3, 4 (lead in)
I went home with a waitress, the way I always do
How was I to know, she was with the Russians, too?

I was gambling in Las Vegas, I took a little risk
Send lawyers, guns, and money
Dad, get me out of this, hi yah!

I'm the innocent bystander
Somehow I got stuck, between a rock and a hard place
And I'm down on my luck, Yes, I'm down on my luck, Well, I'm down on my luck

I'm hiding in Honduras, ohh, I'm a desperate man
Send lawyers, guns, and money
The stuff has hit the fan

Send lawyers, guns, and money
Send lawyers, guns, and money

(reading you, your rights according to the Miranda ruling)

I went home with a waitress, the way I always do
How was I to know, she was with the Russians, too?

I'm the innocent bystander
Somehow I got stuck, between a rock and a hard place
And I'm down on my luck, Yes, I'm down on my luck, Well, I'm down on my luck

I'm hiding in Honduras, ohh, I am a desperate man
Please, send lawyers, guns, and money
The stuff has hit the fan

Alright! Send lawyers, guns, and money
Please! Send lawyers, guns, and money
(some ad lib pleading)